my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
