Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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