apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
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He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
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Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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