Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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