That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
