I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
