Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
