Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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