I want to make a zoo with you.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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