Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
tell me about the fingering
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
