I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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