mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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