those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
