Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
