We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
