Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
