omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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