I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
do herpes really smell.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
