So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My life is pants optional.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize