:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
