ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
