he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
We need to rekindle our bromance
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
