dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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