rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize