about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
