I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
