so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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