i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Found the puke drawer
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
whose parrot is this?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
