I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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