Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
My bed smells like the plague
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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