he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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