So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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