no, he came in my armpit
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
