Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
