I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
