how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
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my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
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Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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