Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
