She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
