it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
