hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
