My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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