why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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