I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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