too bad you live with your parents still
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Let's get the cat blown out
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
