i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
