So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
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I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
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We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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