I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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