And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
