jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
