I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
