'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
