I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
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I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
then he tried to convert me to islam
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
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He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.