Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order