im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
lets start a swedish sibling band together
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense