Dude i fell asleep inside of her
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
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Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
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Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week