Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
