someone owes me an orgasm
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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