when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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