I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
my shit smells like andre
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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