It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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