Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
