I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
