omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
