Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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