Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
